Jun 28th, 2023 - Angharad Docherty

 

I am a prone optimist amongst the struggles at sea, within the cusp of storm, thunder, rain, and the sharp winds which feel like shards against my skin, yet now I want to explain a deeper meaning into what it means to truly uncaps the darkness and walk through it standing straight with my head up high. I will enrapture the true meaning of facing my own demons, darkest psyche, and the meaning of living with a tied vulture at the back of me, and the unfairness in which life is not all true glory and everlasting light. I want to unveil the darkness, and make it heard that the human struggle is real, and if you give meaning to this, it will not sail with you, but the real in it will send chills down every singular bone in the body.

 

I like to describe myself as a realist, but the meaning I give this is very all so different to what we’re apparent to presume. A ‘realist’ in my dialogistic journal, interprets my social interactions being divided by what I view as experiencing ‘real life’ versus a ‘fantasy’, and this marginalises all my social interactions to a large extremity. I have a need to be with the unpeeled-raw version of the individual I’m sitting across from. I enjoy experiencing life as it is with them, and I enjoy unveiling layers into their comfortability to be their true self with me. This means going into the depths of how they’re consciously experiencing their life, without things such as ‘sugar coats’, and with their true, complete self. It is a vulnerable and rare thing, which I have been patronized for many a times, but this is a choice in which I chose to live my life. It gives it a new untold meaning, to be true to every single interaction I meet, and truly worship every being I interact with.

 

“It is as if my life were magically run by two electric currents: joyous positive and despairing negative - which is running at the moment dominates my life, floods it. - Sylvia Plath

 

Now let me not discourage you, as this way of living is a hard yet detriment process into understanding the real humane experience. It is truly a way of being, and one which you must truly belong, one cannot walk aboard a train in which the destination is not meant for them, and fumble upon an unknown path without a calling to it. I find grave courage in the struggle and darkness of the human world, the north-winds in the Scottish grass, in the noise of wind struggling past leaves as they rustle, and the pelting of rain upon my skin as I let my body run free in this unknown forecast of hindsight. 

 

Courage is a rare gift, and it is an honourable skill, described as the ability to control one’s fear in a dangerous or difficult situation. True courage is a skill to be viewed with the individual who is brave, unarmoured, tangible, and fluid into their own experience, what it means to them, and to control their own presence in the present, courage’s them through the storms in one’s mind and situational circumstance. Yet there is a very dark-side to courage itself, the false-self, id, ego, and misuse of courage, captures a demon-like self-inside of us and can upturn events to benefit itself, true courage extinguishes this through the bravery of honesty, to be truly oneself, and to not use things such as pride as a longitude for bettering oneself. 

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